Oh how I hate the ability to highlight and delete. I’ve been thinking of starting a blog and have written out my first post a few times already. Then I highlight and delete or close the window and choose don’t save. WTF? Why do I do that?
See I’ve always wanted to be a writer, I love writing, always have always will. Only there is a bit of a problem, I can’t seem to share my writings. I’ve never willingly shared my writing and because of that I find I am writing less and less over time. Naively I thought when I was younger that being an adult would give me the confidence I needed to write and share my work. Instead I am slowly and effectively destroying my chances of every fulfilling my dream of being a published author.
I started realizing I was really heading in the wrong direction when about 3 years back we moved to a new home and I threw out all of my notebooks from when I was young. All of my stories and poems are gone. I regretted it almost instantly. Why did I do it? Well they were crap I thought, I don’t really know if they were, and I guess now I will never really know.
Nowadays when I do come up with an idea for a story I don’t get very far. I end up writing out a few chapters decide I’m just being silly and delete the file. A few months later I think about it again and realize that it may not have been such a bad idea but then I can’t quite remember the story and give up on it all over again. Maybe I should go back to writing with pen and paper? I suspect though that I still wouldn’t be able to share it or resist the temptation to toss it.
I’m beginning to realize I may have a confidence problem, AKA I’m a chicken shit.
I think, and I may be wrong here, that if I get back to writing everyday and find a way to share my stories without committing to sharing with those who know me and might *gasp* tell me what they think I may start moving forward with this dream of mine. Maybe I will eventually be able and willing to share with those who know me.
I’ve heard a few times as I’m sure you, supposed reader have also heard is that once something is on the internet there is no taking it back. So I am proposing to myself based on the no take backs theory that I write something to share each day on this blog so that I can’t take it back.
What I am going to do is write a little blurb each day minus weekends and holidays. It may be a short commentary expounding upon a stray thought or rehashing a moment of life, perhaps even a poem here and there as long as it’s something. Or so I propose. I realize that it is possible in fact quite likely that no one will ever read the damn thing or care if they do but by knowing I have something I’ve written out there available to the world I hope to learn some confidence or at the very least learn something about myself. Who knows maybe I will eventually look forward to hearing what others think of my writing. I’m finding as I reach the end of what will be my first blog post that I’m excited to start this experiment in writing.
Only time will tell. Well that and if I ever bloody post something. Highlight and delete? Nah think I’ll post this one…..here we go. See you on Monday.
Erin
