We had a games night with friends on Friday evening which resulted in much laughter and a fun filled evening. Before that evening could begin however I had one last thing to do, pick up E from the mall.
She had gone to the mall right after school with friends and needed a lift home. Well when I left the house I didn’t really consider the state I was in. With a busy day of work and cleaning up I had yet to have a moment to sit and left in a bit of a rush.
I had a few quick items to pick up and so I ran in. First thing I did was to track her down to see if she was ready to go and if she’d join me grabbing the things I needed. Well I found her and her friends in Starbucks gabbing away and I suddenly felt rather out of place.
The chatting had instantly stopped and everyone was looking at one another through lowered eyes glancing furtively at E hoping that she would send me along my way. My own daughters comment of “Mom! You didn’t need to come in” made me take a sudden step back.
I’m not a welcome addition anymore. I’m no longer relevant, just a Mother.
These girls although I still see them as their bright and childish counterparts are no longer small children. They are just beginning to get their first taste of real independence. They go to the mall to spend their money on their fashions and their tastes. Mothers are not welcome.
She wasn’t quite ready to go and clearly didn’t want me to stick around while she finished up with her friends and so I told her where I’d be and how long she had left to spend with her friends and left. I’d barely turned away when they returned to their creamy not quite coffee concoctions and began chatting again.
When E had given me that slightly embarrassed look I’m afraid my self-esteem took a sudden nose-dive. As I walked away my slightly mussed hair my lack of makeup and total disregard for fashion caught up to me and I couldn’t help but feel dowdy and just a little down.
It’s an odd feeling, although I have no compunctions about embarrassing the heck out of her and will probably do it without regard many times in the future this is the first time I’d embarrassed her by the simple virtue of being her mother.
I think it’s safe to say we are most definitely heading into the teenage years, and I don’t think I’m going to particularly enjoy them.
