Back In Time

With my daughters teenage years upon us I look at her and can’t help but wish I could spare her the hurt that comes from being a teenage girl.  But I can’t, she has to be 13 and 14 and so on, she has to get through this awkward and difficult time just like everyone else.  I can however do my best to help her along the path.

In light of that I began to think of what I would have liked to have told my teenage self if I somehow got the opportunity to send a letter back in time to my 13 year old self at the beginning of high school.  This is the results.  

Dear younger me,

So you are now 13 almost 14 years old having just begun your first year of high school.  I remember that girl and so the first thing I’m going to say to you is take that cigarette out of your mouth and wipe that smart-ass tough-chick look off your face, this is the older and wiser you talking here.  I KNOW that this is just an act I am after all the one who perfected it. 

I know that you are going through a very hard time in your life right now and that it feels like everything is changing at once and that’s because it is.  You feel lost and lonely, scared, unsure of yourself and your abilities and desperately unhappy at times.

All I really want to tell you is that it does get better; I promise you that no other period in your life will ever be quite as hard in quite this way again.  As it turns out these years really are the hardest to survive.  Even becoming a parent was not as scary as what you are living through right now.  

And yes you have children, a little earlier then intended perhaps but it is the greatest joy in your life and you do have someone to share it with, you are not alone. Actually it’s not too long from now that you will first meet your husband.  When you do you won’t even give him a second thought and you will forget about him entirely as your lives head in different directions. That’s OK he’ll be back.

I think now of all the crazy things you will wear and try out over the next few years and all I have to say about that is have fun.  Eventually you will find what works and what doesn’t but getting there is an absolute blast.  It also teaches us a lot about ourselves and having to defend your decision to dye your hair green or blue ends up giving us a lot of self-confidence.       

I know I’m not offering you a lot of advice here or even telling you how to avoid the mistakes you eventually make but there is a reason for that.  I know now standing on the other side that you somehow get through these years relatively unscathed (although there was that one very close call that ended up being seated across from a very unhappy RCMP officer)and what I’ve come to realize is that each mistake you will make also ends up teaching you a valuable lesson.

So all that I really want to tell you is that while you won’t always make the best decisions, you will get in trouble, and you will live to regret some of those things everything turns out OK.  You will get through to the other side. All the years of bullying and the pain and hurt and feelings you are dealing with in these difficult years will not last forever.

I leave you with this last thought; be happy!

See you later,

You in about 20 years

A Lesson Recalled

I’ve never been much for shopping during any season of the year but Christmas has always been a little bit easier.  Searching out the perfect gift for loved ones and close friends has always been a joy. This year however I haven’t really been able to capture that joy and Christmas shopping has felt no more special than the everyday sort of shopping.

It’s not that I’m not into the Christmas spirit quite the contrary in fact I still love it, enjoy it and relish in every moment.  I love the decorations and lights, the smell of pine wafting through the house blended with cinnamon and ginger, the parties to go to and even the Holiday concerts in the hot stuffy gymnasiums of the girls’ schools.

It’s simply that I’d rather spend my time with those I love than shopping for those I love. I’d rather spend my “spare time” with family and friends regardless of what we are doing rather than battling mall crowds to get another thing that no one really needs.

This I think is where the crux of the problem with Christmas shopping lies. I don’t want to buy things for others that they don’t really want or need.  Things that will be appreciated to my face but looked at afterwards with a “what am I supposed to do with THAT” sort of look.  I admit it I’ve done it myself.

So go with gift cards some might say but for some reason gift cards have always seemed to be somewhat crass of a solution to me.  As if you are saying in gift form that you didn’t care to spend any actual time on that person and are doing nothing more than fulfilling an obligation, or worse yet putting a monetary value on that person.

I suppose this is a big part of why Christmas shopping is no longer so fun for me.  Years ago it was often a struggle for us to afford everything we needed let alone satisfy our wants. Christmas was one of the only times of the year I allowed myself to be a bit frivolous and searching out items from my carefully budgeted list and buying them always felt a little extraordinary. 

Now however we don’t struggle to satisfy our needs, as well as most of our wants, so shopping regardless of the reason is no longer some extraordinary and unique thing reserved for a few specific times of the year.  Finding the time to do things however is now often the biggest challenge in my life and so that seems to have developed into a much higher value over monetary or materialistic things.

It seems we always want most what we don’t have.  There are other reasons certainly, I hate crowds, shopping for the kids makes me realize they already have way more stuff than they need, I don’t really have space to put anything new  and I’m just not (or ever will be) a shopper.

Last year I focused instead on creating Christmas gifts that were useful gifts.  Things I made for people that could be used and enjoyed rather than simply had.  I spent time creating baskets stuffed full of yummy goodies, bought books and made treats for the kids in our lives instead of toys, tried to make the whole season a better experience for others and spent as much time in the company of friends and family as I could. 

It was one of the most joyful Christmas seasons I can recall and the one in which I probably spent the least amount of time shopping.  Perhaps this is why I’m struggling with Christmas shopping this year.  I just want to remember the lesson I learnt last year.  That Christmas will always be special regardless of how much I spend on things if what I truly give is my time and effort to the loved ones in my life.