Oscar The Grouch

I’m reminded today of a book which for a very long time was the favorite of my youngest.  I can still recite it line for line and word for word.  It is a sesame street book called Happy and Sad, Angry and Glad and begins like so…. 

Oh welcome oh welcome to our little play, we are ever so glad you could join us today.

We are going to talk about feelings and so please open the curtain and on with the show.

I didn’t need the book for that, in fact I could keep going and in my head each respective characters voice would come to life in my head along with the words.  Anyways my point, I know I had one somewhere…..Ahh yes feelings. 

Specifically that we are all allowed to have happy, sad, angry and glad days.

I’ve noticed recently a trend towards the idea that any down in the dumps days signifies there is something more than just being down in the dumps.  That if you live a decent life where nothing is life threateningly wrong that you should be happy every single moment of every single day.

Now really that just isn’t realistic. In fact if you were to be happy as punch without ever a down moment you would be called manic. Everything including our happiness level needs balance and sometimes a down day is nothing more than your body saying “look we’ve been having some fun but give me a REST!”

It doesn’t have to mean anything more.  I spent the first two days of this week sick as a dog and am now just exhausted. This morning kicked off with the realization that it was garbage day and the garbage was not at the curb, I stubbed my toe, I burnt my tongue and bit my cheek instead of my bagel and that was just in the first 20 minutes.

I’m not having a good day and in response I’m feeling a little grouchy.  At first this grouchiness made me feel even worse because I have no REASON to be a grouch. Sitting down to write my post today I had no motivation, no energy; my muse had gone absent, all because I was feeling bad about feeling bad.

For the first time since I began writing this blog I thought to myself, “fuck it I’m not going to bother” but you know what, no that isn’t me. I do this for me and whether it’s a grouchy day or a happy day, or even a grouchy week it’s ok. 

So here’s my post, grouchiness and all.  Oscar can be my muse for the day. So thank you for sharing my feelings today.

Shipwrecks Sail Again

I’ve been feeling off this week, my normal optimism waning and the things I love to do not holding as much interest as usual.  It seems that frustration is plaguing my every waking moment and I seem to have an endless cycle of thoughts running through my mind.  There seems to be an unprecedented number of challenges that seem to be without solution that I find I’m unable to escape thoughts of.

I do believe this week is feeling a little overwhelming as I’ve been feeling rather sick to my stomach the past couple of days and I know I haven’t been getting nearly enough sleep.  I also don’t sit idle very well but with my energy levels rather drained from this flu/cold/whatever it is makes it hard to get moving.

This is why I’m so looking forward to tomorrow evening when I have an activity guaranteed to get me going and focus my thoughts elsewhere. Dragon boat practices begin tomorrow and I can’t explain how much I’m looking forward to getting out on the water.  

I’ve been craving the feel of being on the water for a while now, the coolness rising from the river, the sound of gentle waves lapping at the boats edge, the pull of water against the paddle.  Everything about paddling in a dragon boat team feels rewarding and satisfying.

The count of one, two, three, four ringing in my head drives out all other thoughts focusing my mind completely on the task at hand.  Staying in rhythm with the others gives me a feeling of focus and determination.   Alone none of us would be able to move the long boat against the current but together we have amazing strength and the boat reaches amazing speeds.

It is in those moments, when we all paddle in perfect harmony that I am anticipating, when there is no thought only rhythm and strength carrying us all forward.  

A Little Funk

So I’m in a bit of a funk today thanks to my cold and a hornet sting with some nasty results and I hate being in a funk. I was stung by a hornet twice on my foot Monday (I stepped on it) and after running errands all evening my knee went out and my heel cracked badly from walking funny so now I’m unable to bear any weight on that leg at all today. The place where I was stung thankfully has stopped hurting.

I feel like I should be in a good mood though as I had a wonderful date night last night with my husband.  We went to dinner and a movie and what made it even better is that it was a free date night. Thanks to gift certificates all we paid for was the tip at the restaurant. Also for the first time we didn’t even have to arrange for a babysitter as E is now old enough to babysit. 

After dinner we went to see Rise of Planet of The Apes and I think it was done fairly well and went with the original story nicely. Or so I thought, it’s been years since I saw the original so I could be way off base.  We admittedly got terrible seats at the theatre, 2nd row from the front, resulting in some rather cricked necks but we both just made the best of the seating and tried to enjoy it anyways.

The only thing that actually bothered me about the lack of seating other than the 90 degree angle of the screen was the large number of groups which had left a single empty seat between themselves and the next group or couple. This left a number of good seats but none together, when a theatre is that busy the idea of a courtesy seat is not so much a courtesy and much more of a hindrance.

It was still fun though and it was novel to watch a whole movie without having to take A to the washroom mid-way through or say shush every few minutes.  It’s amazing how much easier it is to follow a movie when you can actually pay attention to what is on screen.

Disconnected





I’m off today, I feel foggy as if I’m not all there, my consciousness floating off in space. 

It’s an odd sensation I’m in neither a good or bad mood but I feel as if I’m simply going through the motions, disjointed and disconnected from my day. It’s as if a part of me didn’t bother to get out of bed with me this morning.

I suppose I’m simply tired we had a very busy weekend with very little sleep and although completely done in when I went to bed last night I had a very hard time falling asleep. 

It worries me, usually one night like last night results in a battle with insomnia that lasts anywhere from just a couple of days to over a week of sleeplessness.

It’s nothing new I’ve had issues since I was a teen with bouts of insomnia, I will go through periods where I haven’t had issues for months at a time then suddenly it’s every other week. I’ve never quite pinpointed what sets it off.

I’ve tried many things to combat it, illogically the more I fight against it the worse it gets.  If I accept it will happen and that I can’t force myself to sleep it resolves faster.

It’s that very thing though, the attempt to just accept the lack of sleep that is making me feel so disjointed today.  I’m trying not to care that I slept poorly and somehow its making me simply not care about anything.

Perhaps that in itself is the problem, I’m not actually accepting the insomnia right now in actuality I’m just blatantly ignoring it.  I’m going to attempt to get in a bit of “me time” before heading to bed tonight.  I think perhaps a solo skate around the forest.  It can’t hurt anyways.  

Mental Hiatus.

Ok what the hell my mind has decided to take a hiatus on me. I have the attention span of a gnat.  My mind keeps skipping around from one thing to another. 

It may be a response to the absolutely gorgeous day outside and my desire to be anywhere but at my computer even for the time it takes to write a short blog.  It is warm and sunny with a nice breeze carrying the scents of spring.

It’s a perfect day to go and fly a kite and today may be the only chance this weekend.  It’s predicted to be a cold and wet one, we may even be facing a bit of snow on Sunday.  It’s May 1^st on Sunday, snow and May do not belong in the same sentence.

I may very well have a minor breakdown if we do see snow on Sunday I’ve had quite enough of it this year thank you very much.  I must admit I did not however expect this beautiful weather to make it through to the weekend after all the first soccer game of the season is this Saturday.

Soccer season always seems to kick off with a wet and cold day it seems to be a bit of a tradition.  It doesn’t matter how early or late spring came or how nice it’s been leading up to that first game we have to be prepared to freeze our asses off and get a little wet.

It’s always quite an interesting look when the girls are forced to wear sweaters and tights under their jerseys and shorts.   I have to admit the very slippery wet and muddy grass we always seem to have for game one really helps them break in their new uniforms fast. 

I may well be getting the cart ahead of the horse here seeing as our local meteorologists seem to have a hard time telling current temperatures never mind future weather but we will see. Either way I think I'm going to get out the golf umbrella.