Crap, my oldest and very beautiful daughter has recently begun to complain about certain aspects of how she looks. I’m not sure if they are entirely genuine complaints or if it is simply a need for some reassurance and I suppose it is natural to have some complaints as she becomes a teen after all ‘tis the age of discontent.
My biggest issue with this however is that I have just realized where her complaints are coming from, they come from me. They quite clearly stem from my own insecurities, her complaints are the same ones she has heard from me or heard once bothered me and it makes me feel terrible.
After commiserating with fellow mothers about the pressures put on girls these days and how hard it is to keep them from being affected by the countless judgments about looks facing them in newsstands or on TV every day to hear my own complaints mirrored back sucks.
Overall I think I have a fairly good image of myself and I don’t complain about many things but I remember how much these same things bothered me starting at just about the same age she is now.
Her whole life she has heard about how much she looks like me, which she does, so it’s not entirely surprising that my own issues reflect so strongly on her no matter how much I wish they didn’t.
I don’t think anyone really believes themselves perfect (even those that act as if they do) and I haven’t heard anything particularly alarming about her self-image so I probably shouldn’t be too worried but oh how I wish I wasn’t part of the problem.
I try my best to focus on just being healthy and enjoying life and for the most part I’m pretty good about it. I know I’m always going to have a few things I dislike, really who doesn’t, but I’ve come to terms with them and learnt ways to deal with those issues, or at least avoid them. Hence the almost 20 years of everyday contact wear.
As long as she makes it through her own teen years able to do the same and still see herself in a positive way I guess I can live with it. I’ll just have to try not to complain about myself and to remind her that I think she is beautiful more often. Even if she thinks I only say it because I’m her mom and I “have” to.
